21 October 2009

National Hunt for Witches or Wizards


An unexpected role has opened at Remote Employment for Home based Witches and Wizards.

The position is only open to those with suitable experience who are only looking for a one-day career.

You must be the owner of a fully taxed broom (must borrowed from your Mother-In-Law) and you should have the appropriate operator’s license. A state of the art broom, complete with sat nav, breakdown cover and turbo boost, will enhance your prospects of selection for this role.

One of the job requirements will be to wear a uniform, which you are expected to supply. This will be a tall black hat, a long black sweeping cloak and long false nails.

Blackened teeth goes with the job but yellow or hairy ones will be rejected. The successful candidate can be expected to be remunerated with sweets, potions, candle-burnt pumkins and an enviable selection of smoked and dried newt, bat and frog parts.


About you:
* You will preferably have a pointed nose with large warts (and all). Crooked noses and stooped backs also considered.
* Bearded witches preferred, but all shapes and sizes could be ideal applicants.
* You must be able to show previous relevant experience and a portfolio of tried and tested potions.
* Curses accepted, but no cursing.
* Additional languages not essential. However, incomprehensible mumbling would be an advantage.
* A degree in physics, science or chemistry would be preferred by not essential as you could be accepted for a training role in future to help our team of witches and wizards to create home based spells and flexible working concoctions for the business community at large!
* A biology GCSE and a thorough understanding of the anatomy of the frog and bat is nothing but helpful!


Your role will involve whizzing around the Remote World to spread Halloween tricks to a largely unsuspecting audience, young and old. It could help your application if you show initiative and tell us how you would do this.

Period of employment – one night only on the 31st October.

If your night of mystic mayhem is successful you may be recruited full time to spread the magic of remote and home working across the nation, or at least be shortlisted for next year’s Halloween recruitment drive.

Our immediate response is urgently required! Tell us why you would make a great wizard or witch! CVs are unnecessary, just a paragraph about your credentials and excellence for this sought after role. Pictures may help, if you dare!

Get your application in now to avoid disappointment! The best application wins a concoction of wizardry tricks and treats and treats, and vouchers worth £100 from the ‘busy’ Remote Employment Team.
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How to set up a home office ...

Before you set up a work station at home, check out our Seven Top Tips on how to work from home:

Your Home Office
Ideally, you will have a spare room to create a home office. If not, a corner of another room, will be fine as long as you are not constantly distracted in the family fast lane. Set up your kitSet up your computer, files and phone to give you maximum comfort for long hours. Have enough plug points for PC, printer, phone, scanner, mobile charger, fax machine and answer phone. Even better get an all in once mod con to save on a jumble of cables and wires.

Pick your desk location
You should be able to see the door of the office from where you are sitting or at least more of your surroundings. Beware of facing the garden and the bird bath – too tempting to watch the world go by! A hard chair will give you backache so spend a little extra on a good one.

Working Hours
Working outside 'normal' working hours helps to balance your work and home life so don't feel guilty dashing off to take the lads to footie after school, as long as you get your work done. Catching up in the early morning or later in the evening works well, but also watch out for going OTT. Make sure you close down and walk away at some point or the family will go hungry.

Have a breather
No matter what kind of work you do or what home you do it in, you can go bonkers if you spend 24 hours a day at it. Get out, whenever you can, to clear your head and to see other people. Use lunch time as a good break to pop down to pick up groceries for dinner, step outside to feed the birds during your coffee break or walk the dog around the block to clear the cobwebs. This is also a great way to mull over a document or get inspiration for new ideas.

Keep in Touch
Have no fear that your social life at work comes to an end if you leave your office to work from home, in fact in some cases your relationship with your colleagues may improve. Email is instant but be careful of 'funnies' – they can eat up a huge chunk of time. Chat through business issues by phone and meet for a quick bite every now and then.

Goal scoring
Give yourself little goals and objectives and then reward yourself when they are complete. Make sure family and friends know your hours or days of working at home and stick to that. Don't be tempted to pop over for a coffee or cook a large meal. Give yourself this time as a reward for getting up early on a Monday to finish a long-winded report. Or if you score well with a new client take five to put your feet up before the school run. Whatever incentives work for you, use them to motivate yourself to balance your time around your other responsibilities.

If you have any suggestions on working from home, please submit your articles to grace@remoteemployment.com.

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